The Saga of Commander Tacos

A True Story and Accompanying
Fictionalized Drama By David Zimet
As Told To Spc. Tom Kinkaid

I have to say after having read this over a couple more times I'm really starting to feel sorry for commander tacos and maybe I should recruit some tacos for his midnight army of taco chaos. Or send him a gift bag of neatly sliced lettuce and tomatoes. You know?

Today I went into navy recruiting and the guys were there and were all like "HEY THERE HOW CAN I HELP YOU!!" and I said yeah I'm here to check out the navy and they asked "ARE YOU THINKING OF JOINING THE NAVY!?!" and I said no I think I'd join the air force because it's more cushy and the guy said "AH WELL IN THE NAVY WE WORK FOR A LIVING THERE'S NO CUSHYNESS THANK YOU FOR COMING BY" and I said no that's not what I'm saying, I meant that my friend is in kuwait and they're lacking the little comforts of life like *making quote gesture with fingers* "beds" and are sleeping on the "floor" in the middle of the "desert". and he said "OKAY SIR THANK YOU FOR COMING BY" and I said that hey it's not that I meant to diss the navy but I'd prefer something where there were cots and I guess mentioned that you were attached to the national guard because he said "WELL SIR THAT'S NOT THE NAVY" and I said very good, that's the army, but I heard that the air force was better about things like providing "cots" to "sleep" on, and that I was really quite invested in joining a branch that had such things as opposed to one that might not and he said "OKAY SIR THANK YOU FOR COMING BY" and I noted that his name was Cmdr Tacos and I bit down on my lip really hard to keep from busting out laughing and I got back in my car, which has "cushions"* and "seatbelts"* and drove back to my "job" which pays me a lot more than the "navy" and does not require wearing a monkey suit and having people call me "Commander Tacos".

* referring here to the military humvees which really pretty much have neither seatbelts nor cushions.